Every year white people add 100 years to how long ago slavery was. I’ve heard educated white people say, ‘slavery was 400 years ago.’ No it very wasn’t. It was 140 years ago…that’s two 70-year-old ladies living and dying back to back. That’s how recently you could buy a guy.
Louis C.K. (via 30thcenturyboy)
Slavery in the territory that is now the United States lasted more than 330 years. We will be 330 years removed from slavery in the year 2195.
Here’s some tips, of course nothing professional, but things I’ve learned myself.
Hope it helps some of you guys. ovo
Good Ragnarok Eve to You
As you may know, my one-hour live comedy special JOHN HODGMAN: RAGNAROK debuts tomorrow on Netflix in the US, Canada, the UK, and Scandinavia.
When we shot RAGNAROK last December, we were very lucky to receive from Empire Mayonnaise of Brooklyn many custom jars of John Hodgman Brand SURVIVAL MAYONNAISE.
(To find out why hoarding mayonnaise in your doomsday bunker is at least as essential as hoarding urine, you may watch RAGNAROK tomorrow. Instructions on watching may be found here: bit.ly/JHragnarok)
Currently, there are only SIX REMAINING JARS in my survival mayonnaise cache, and starting tomorrow I will give away FIVE OF THEM, signed and numbered, to the humans who submit to me THE MOST EMBARRASSING SCREEN CAPS OF ME AND MY HIDEOUS NECK MEAT.
I will give away one jar each for each fifth of the program’s running time—that is to say, one for the first 12 minutes, another for the second 12 minutes, and so on. SO PLEASE SHOW YOUR TIME.
Simply post your screencaps (one per person please) to the major social medias and tag them #RAGNAROK, and I will monitor and share the most awkward and insulting images of my own face.
Then stop posting your screencaps at noon on Friday, because that is when I will stop looking at them.
Then I will choose and contact the winners and send them mayonnaise in the regular mail, unless I can get Kevin Costner to dress as a postman and ride it over to your house on a mule, which would be my preference.
GOOD HUNTING, and GOOD RAGNAROK EVE TO YOU ALL.
That is all.
Movie Studio: We need an agent or something for this scene. Let’s use that guy.
Fandom: Hey, who’s that guy? That guy is awesome! We love that guy!
Movie Studio: …what? Who? That guy? But he’s nobody. Wouldn’t you rather—
Movie Studio: But Tony Stark—
Movie Studio: Okay, well, I guess we could give him a name or something.
Fandom: WE LOVE AGENT COULSON!
Movie Studio: How the fuck—? Guys, come on. We gave you superheroes! Why are you hung up on Agent Coulson?
Fandom: Agent Coulson, Agent Coulson, Agent Coulson!
Movie Studio: God damn it, fine. Look, we’ll give him the most epic death scene in the series, okay? Would that make you happy?
Fandom: ~collective, blatant, epic refusal to acknowledge Coulson’s death~
Movie Studio: Jesus. Fine. Here, have a TV show.
So much this.
Fandoms will not be denied.